@drinksmcgee: Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps... unless she's plotting your murder... then don't be that.
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@skickwriter: Me: He said he likes mac-n-cheese better the way his mom makes it. Female judge: Case dismissed!
@ceejoyner: Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
@JediGigi: [cute guy approaches at bar] Him: Hey can I... Me: [blushing] Yes? Him: Can I get a pic of you for my mom? You look just like my grandpa.
@Carbosly: Apparently, saying "make it a double" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy.