@lildandeli0n: Be the reason they create new laws.
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@SondraDeeMe: I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.
@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!
@squirrel74wkgn: [news anchor] "Up next, can more sex lead to a healthier & happier-" *wife changes channel*
@plantandmineral: today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle