@thepatrickwalsh: "Be there in 5," I text, though I am 30 minutes away, completely nude, and engaged in a fist fight with a neighbor.
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@DrDogMD: NURSE: ur concerned about ur patient huh? Youve been pacing in circles for 10 mins DR DOG: haha no im just trying to find a spot to lie down
@Kaylezor: On the Wikipedia page for List of Serial Killers by Number of Victims it says "This page is incomplete. You can help by expanding it." Omg.
@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
@GoldenSpirals: Coworker sneezed, and said "Oh my. I don't know where that came from." I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose.