@Kolology: Be warned: there's a proper legend on the streets of Brighton.
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@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.
@BoozeWallet: [walking through park with date] Did u know there's more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange [blood is just pouring from my mouth]
@MarfSalvador: [Surprise party for girlfriend] Me: *Leading her in blindfolded* GF: Shouldn't I be wearing that?
@pbear79: I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said... "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."