@Up2Long: Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@brianbowman73: I dropped my ice cream cone on the ground and it landed pointy end up which made the Earth, at least for a moment, one giant topping.
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: We’re playing Star Wars. I’m a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way.
@jjhartinger: ER Dr: What are you doing? Me: I'm decorating. ER Dr: Why? Me: According to my bill I live here now.