@WesTheFatKid: "Because Im a goddamned rock star!" wasn't the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned.
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@OtherDanOBrien: [Computer has become self-aware] Scientist 1: Shit, just like in Terminator Computer: I HAVE WRITTEN SOME POETRY Scientist 2: No, worse
@ThisOneSayz: Nothing's labeled clearly, I was promised tea & never got any, the criminal justice system is barbaric. ~ Alice's Yelp review of Wonderland
@Michabean: Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you.
@stephenjmolloy: Marriage counsellor: What's the problem? Wife: He is so literal. It drives me mad. MC: And how do you feel, Stephen? Me: With my hands.