@neiltyson: Because you know I’m all about that data, ‘bout that data. No trouble. I’m all about that data, ‘bout that data. No trouble.
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@StrugglesBGbb: It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
@JohnLyonTweets: [police lineup] Cop: Number 3, say, "Gimme your purse, you old hag." Me: You've got it wrong. I said "old woman," not "old hag."
@3sunzzz: [first day in prison] "I need to speak to management. There is no way I can use this generic bar soap on my face."