@neiltyson: Because you know I’m all about that data, ‘bout that data. No trouble. I’m all about that data, ‘bout that data. No trouble.
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@ImaFlyontheWall: Me: So you're an Atheist? Him: Yup! Me: So what year is it? Him: 2015 Me: based on how years are counted after a certain birth?
@KeetPotato: burglar: [breaks into house] my dog: "BARK BARK BARK BARK" burglar: [strokes dog's head] my dog: "i have misjudged this very nice man"
@Kyle_Lippert: I'm such a disaster that 9/11 and The Titanic would go out on a date together and watch a movie about me.
@generaldietz: Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now? Captain America: Um sure. Spiderman: What should I do? Iron Man: You're in charge of web design.