@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.
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@Shut_up_Marissa: Whenever I’m at home drinking alone with my dog, I tell people I’m drinking with my dawg, so it sounds like I’m drinking with my cool friend
@Clint_Bing: Guy asked me today if I've ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can't even say shit back
@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.