@caseytduncan: Bed Bath & Beyond starts off pretty normal-sounding, but then it goes galactic.
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@RappaRick: Monday: forearms Wednesday: forearms Friday: forearms Sunday: forearms --Popeye's gym schedule
@JohnLyonTweets: [flirting at Taco Bell] Trouble opening that sauce packet? Let me help. [seconds later] Let me help you get that sauce out of your hair.
@HousewifeOfHell: My daughter told me I'm "slightly prettier than Ben Franklin," so I have that going for me.
@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH