@BillMc7: Been coughing all day. Can't seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
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@FreudsTwin: I was up all night wondering, if you get fired at the Unemployment Office, do you just switch to the other side of the desk?
@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.
@AdamTheLobster: Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right
@living_marble: One thing books from 100 years ago teach us is that if you leave a baby in the jungle, it'll be fine. Better than fine, actually.