@BackrowSeats: Been in an accident? Know someone who's been in an accident? If not, call us & we'll come push you down the stairs or something.
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@shahnischmani: Sometimes I feel awkward cause I don't quite know what to do with all my limbs, but then I imagine if I was an octopus and I feel better.
@TheGladStork: Fill the piñata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence.
@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
@TheWeirdWorld: A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.