@FreckleMcPickle: Been married so long it's almost like a first date. Husband is always wondering if he's even gonna make it to 1st base.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping
@daemonic3: "Is this your resume?" Yes "It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away?" Yes "Welcome to UPS!"
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why don't we run through the parking lot? me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it's dangerous