@bingowings14: Been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently they all look like that & I should've just left it in its hole in the garden.
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@Sassafrantz: "911, what's your emergency?" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.
@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car
@Yankeegiant72: After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall
@jergarl: My 7yo has a friend over and I'm pretty sure he learned how to whisper during a hurricane.