@Dwarven_Cleric: Been yelling just awful things at people, trying to improve my chef skills.
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@tlcprincess: Man reading a book: hot Man with a baby: hot Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded.
@Bagyants: When a computer program says "Not Responding" I start texting it stuff like "Who are you with?" and "Just heard our song"
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try
@pharmasean: A song called "Baby It's Not *THAT* Cold Outside" where I'm just trying to get the lady to leave