@lizetagge: Before. b-e-f-o-r-e, not B4. We speak English, Not bingo...
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@WineMummy: Him: Didn't you buy that apple pie yesterday? Me: Yeah, so? Him: There's one small piece left. Me: And if you touch it, I'll stab you.
@AaronFullerton: Excited for the return of Game of Thrones. Not excited for the return of the phrase, "If you'd read the books, you'd know that..."
@brynnester: Me, an Astronaut: *home from mission* Her: And so you're back Me: Do we have to do the Gloria Gaynor thing everytime? Her: From outer space
@ceejoyner: A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive.