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@lizetagge: Before. b-e-f-o-r-e, not B4. We speak English, Not bingo...
@SortaBad: "You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs" - jerk chicken
@AndreaWoo: Everyone who aspired to write the greatest headline ever can give up now.
@Leslie_Annie: My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add "well, at least I've managed to go 10 years without drinking"
@EJGomez: LAWYER 1: numbers never lie so I call numbers to the stand
LAWYER 2: your honor I call shakiras hips to the stand
JUDGE: damn lol
@leifromloihi: told my kid to sign my boyfriend's birthday card