@OhNoSheTwitnt: Before Batgirl can become Batwoman she has to have a Batmitzvah.
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@DonKinderknecht: I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. :-(
@WheelTod: I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field
@knot_eye: Dear Ad Agencies, Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials. On behalf of dog owners everywhere, Thanks!
@trentistweeting: [interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal "That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!" *turns to whiteboard* welcome