@PaperWash: before cameras, people would have to say "cheese" for two hours while they got their portrait painted
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@UnFitz: My body is a temple. My mind is a comedy club. My apartment is a landfill. My car is a fast food restaurant. I could do this all day.
@buhsbaby_baby: "MAYBE IT'S THE TRANSMISSION!“ I scream helpfully when I drive past anyone who's car is broken down on the side of the road...
@LaceyNycole: When a bite of food falls off your plate... And you just stare at it on the ground like, "We could've made each other happy..."
@QwertyJones3: Fun prank: Super glue a baby to the floor and see how many people try to pick it up as they walk by