@PaperWash: before cameras, people would have to say "cheese" for two hours while they got their portrait painted
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@RayfromCincy: Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on.
@PeteSnacks: Who died and made you king? Oh the king before you died. Well that makes sen- Oh he was your father. Well then I'm very sorry for your loss.
@MomofTeen: When emails tell me to "Act Now!," I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.
@TheSadnesses: if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected