@Shanehasabeard: Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving
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@uncle_fescue: I just saw my ex get hit by a snow plow but in all fairness I have never driven one of these before.
@pumpkin_horse: *cries over spilt milk* *cries under spilt milk* *cries adjacent to spilt milk* *cries immediately to the left of spilt milk* *cries diagona
@RamblingMachine: I told my BF I dreamt he got me a ring for my birthday. Later, I found a wrapped box from him, with a book entitled "the meaning of dreams".
@djdarrellripley: Me: I need to know what your office drug policy is. Him: No drugs. Me: Got it... Do you consider the parking lot to be part of the office?