@KevinFarzad: Before college, I didn't know what I was doing with my life, but now I'm confident I have no idea what I'm doing.
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@iinkedZombie: My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
@Sal0630: Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium
@mydmac: I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now.