@walkerwalt: Before encouraging everyone to "do whatever makes you happy," ask if anyone is a sadist. Don't encourage the sadists.
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@SaraThomas84: The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat
@papasuncle: Who names their kid Russell? Like hey kid you're a noise. Look after your sister kurplop boing
@omically: a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread