@HappyHijabbi: Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
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@bakerbakerbaker: friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?
@foodfacenow: Friend: Take my advice, girls love guys with pets *later* Me:*holding a snake to date's face* his name -stop screaming- his name is Carl.
@ibid78: [sees a kid at the park doing the pee pee dance] "NO KID, WAIT- [it starts raining buckets of pee]