@Dadpression: Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder.
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@JessObsess: You really only have 2 options: 1. You can be miserable bc you're fat 2. You can be miserable bc you're hungry
@gorrdano: How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.
@squirrel74wkgn: I'm just saying honey, if I sound like a cat throwing up hair balls the next day...it may be time to trim things up a bit.
@fro_vo: Cap: good morning Avengers let's begin Iron Man: wait spider-man is missing Open Mouth Man: weird he was here when i went to sleep last nite