@Dadpression: Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder.
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@DouchyDocLove: Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.
@horsedetective: Horse detective stood in the rain and looked out to sea. He thought about justice and fate. He thought about her. He thought about apples.
@Ristolable: First date tip: let a photo of a dog fall out of your wallet. When she asks "is that your puppy?" say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.
@BlaineBruce: My dog plays this fun game where she holds her bladder until she gets inside the house