@JustinGuarini: Before I had kids I never really reflected on life's little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
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@Sickayduh: "911 what's your emergency?" - I've been catfished by a dozen men "We're on our way" - Gonna arrest them? "Gonna shut off your internet"
@_The_Man__: [in basement lab] wife: you cant just make your own honey me: (mouth dry, spitting pollen everywhere) I know that now Lisa.
@bvinson23: I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I'm an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It's because I'm poor.