@MarieLoerzel: Before I had kids I was going to be an awesome mom.
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@SortaBad: *slips the attendant $20* "make sure you pick me out a good one" Sir this is a daycare... "uh huh *winks* a daycare"
@Ant_F3ltz: Little known fact: If you ride any animal in the zoo for more than 30 seconds... it's yours to keep.
@shutupmikeginn: Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat
@goldengateblond: I suck in my stomach when I weigh myself like my scale will be all "oh she's much thinner than I thought, I'll adjust the numbers."