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@MarieLoerzel: Before I had kids I was going to be an awesome mom.
@Robski_Boy: Went to see a psychic without an appointment and he wasn't expecting me ?
@RexHuppke: Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
@cervixsmash: If a 99 pound person eats 1 pound of nachos that person is 1% nacho
@DCpierson: I'm a Lit major. I did my thesis on why my car is in the front yard and I'm sleeping with my clothes on.
@longwall26: Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.