@Breadery: Before Isaac Newton discovered gravity everyone had to glue themselves down.
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@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.
@djdarrellripley: I should have seen this breakup coming.... The nicest thing she ever said to me was, "Oh wow, that car almost hit you.”
@wickedsuga: Me: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon? Coach: Me: Coach: Me: Oh. You said HUDDLE up, didn't you?