@PanicRestroom: Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself
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@SLorenzen62: Laundry is racist!! Must separate the whites from the colors!! No delicates allowed? Oh, whites get HOT water, everyone else gets cold!
@AristotlesNZ: Undressing with the curtains open is my little way of giving back to the old ladies in our neighborhood watch.
@davidkenny100: Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: "Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days" "Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"
@noog: "What sins have you committed?" Well... [20 minutes later] ... finally fit my whole fist up there. I shit you not. Father? *vomiting sound*