@PanicRestroom: Before records were invented, people used to say: u sound like an opera singer that keeps repeating himself
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@ilovepie84: I've replaced my neighbors toothpaste with Napalm, and left him a free pack a cigarettes. Now we wait.
@BrickCh4News: "A black man follows me when it's sunny outside. When it's cloudy, he goes home." "Brick, that's your shadow."
@Ideal_Victoria: Fun Fact: If someone’s car alarm keeps going off, you’re legally obligated to set the car on fire.
@MarfSalvador: [Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Are—are you over 21?