@WhatevaConc: Before saying anything like "you have really soft hands for a man", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man.
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@matt___nelson: [at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: "what can I get u?" "do u have any eucalyptus?" *restaurant goes quiet*
@ch000ch: wondering if our openly racist uncles talk about their non racist uncles like "u shoulda heard the non-racist shit coming out of his mouth"
@phaggots: "Paper or plastic?" Sorry i have a boyfriend "Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-" I think we should just be friends