@Mindless4Miles: Before seeing why your toddler has been quiet for 10 mins it's best to first call the plumber and write your apology letter to the landlord.
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@AskinWayne: My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.
@ImSoFrancis: Astronaut: I never loved you Me: how could you say that? Astronaut: it's the truth Me: no I mean like, sound doesn't travel in a vacuum
@mompsychologist: Husband: So we've basically given up. Me: On what? H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting.