@booyahchadly: Before sending a tweet l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential.
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@ladyignoble: Note to younger women: Remember, men are always after just one thing: your snacks. Do not leave the refrigerator unlocked.
@truegritrumble: Apparently, I have to go to the pet store because my wife is angry that I put the wrong gold fish in my kid's packed lunch.
@HairyJew4Life: Me: Why does it take you forever to text me back? *3 hours later* Her: What are you talking about?
@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."