@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
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@Dustinkcouch: Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny.
@wolfpupy: i feel like most people have forgotten why we were robbing this jewellery store in the first place, for the jewels
@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"
@NOTVIKING: me: i love cars date: oh cool! i love cars too me: [waving for check] i don’t think i can be with someone that prefers cars 2