@abbycohenwl: Before they built this Trader Joe's, there was just an empty field with wild shoppers politely blocking each other's way
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@girlontapas: My mom bought me a bottle of whiskey as a Xmas gift... She seemed a little upset that I said she should've mailed it ahead of her visit.
@SocialExtortion: Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
@withanewname: Times are tough, my daughter just repossessed a paper airplane she made me, over a quarter I owed her from yesterday