@amishschool: Before Twitter I had to disappoint people in person.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Stellacopter: [at heaven's gate] God: Tell me why I should let u in Me: I've never made anyone look at my baby's ultrasound pic God: You can have my bed
@BadJordon: [ER] HIPSTER: I fell off my acoustic motorcycle & broke my mustache twirler. DOC:… H: I fell off my bike & broke my hand. D: Rub kale on it.
@Brampersandon_: [being a caddy at the masters] GOLFER: *crouched down lining up his putt* ME (whispering in his ear): whatcha lookin at? a bug?
@djdarrellripley: I took my dog to see "Fifty Shades Of Grey" and he loved it. Which surprised me because he hated the book...