@LOsepyan: Before Wallmart existed you had to buy a ticket to see the circus.
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@tweetarded1: Officer: "didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?" Me: "yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"
@alfageeek: My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn't make the cut this year.
@revenge_tanukis: It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
@jwoodham: Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day.