@JulianLeeComedy: Before you abduct someone do you have to fill in a chloroform?
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@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless
@SCbchbum: Don't bother giving kids a hard time for saying lol while they're speaking if you came from an era when hardy-har-har was a thing.
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: What's going on here? ME: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally- DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!! ME: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife