@YoungNobler: Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016
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@weinerdog4life: If everyone would stop screaming, I'm sure we'd all agree I'm not supposed to be in this women's restroom.
@yerpalmildsauce: Me: If that baby won't stop crying I'm walking out & going to another restaurant. Gf: You used to do that too. Me: that was months ago.
@MrAdamBez: I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. ... Wait.