@Annoyinglyhappy: Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes
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@SteveSuckington: [talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello
@AndyRuther: If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.
@CopBroughtPizza: i just found that children's tylenol is made for children, not out of children, and i feel relieved. but that could just be the tylenol...
@GlazerBooHooHoo: To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.