@juliussharpe: Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?
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@Monicann86: Every morning I wake up super pissed at my parents because I have to go to work instead of living off a trust fund.
@Yung40Ounce: *Gets pulled over by cop* "Papers?" "Scissors" *Cop removes glasses* "Rocks?" *Both start successful trap house*
@WittySassBasket: I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.