@welone1: Before you judge a woman, walk a mile in her shoes. After that who cares? She's a mile away and you've got her shoes.
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@oakhillbargrill: Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions
@bingowings14: Snail cop: So tell me about the sloth that attacked you. Snail: It all happened so fast.
@aksorojas: "You can't get married," the priest furiously shut the door while I stood outside embracing my fiancé, a beautiful corndog with a ring on it