@PeterKlesken: Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
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@rolldiggity: Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resumé? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar
@MartaEffing: Tread lightly on the path, as we all have a journey to make. Unless you're super hungry, in which case you're allowed to mow people down.
@badbanana: Yeah, well, I didn't exactly want to be late for work today either but it's not like hot wings can shave themselves out of chest hair.