@PeterKlesken: Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
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@Josievorenkamp: Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some shit.
@jake_likes_naps: [gets down on 1 knee] Babe will you-- "Yeah... Here it is" [she lends me her phone charger] Thanks
@SoulYodeler: It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. It takes a bigger man to fix them. It takes an enormous man to close down a Chinese buffet. High-5