@PeterKlesken: Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
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@tylerschmall: Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem.
@WritePlay: ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that
@wife3kidsnodogs: Wife: I'm hungry! Me: I'll order pizza Wife: YOU THINK I'M FAT! Me: *whispering* Has it been 28 days already? Wife: WHAT?! Me: what what??
@shadygeekdad: Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her she's overreacting. She'll realize you're right and calm right down.