@trevso_electric: Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
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@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!
@tweetsauce: This is ridiculous: "www" contains THREE TIMES more syllables than the phrase it is 'short' for, "world wide web."
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote you can be distant and vague? ME: *staring out the window* Idk, maybe.