@GaryJanetti: Before you tell me anything about your kid you should know I'm going to mentally leave my body.
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@decentbirthday: Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious
@QwertyJones3: "Doctor, I'm afraid of people yelling letters of the alphabet at me." THERAPIST: Oh! You are? WHY???
@warhorse76: Who invented Bull Riding? Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me.
@nonchalantnacho: Dear family, Since I am unemployed, for Christmas you have a choice of a hug or I'll rap Eminem songs for 5 minutes for you. Love, Danielle