@4SLars: Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon
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@tonsmorecowbell: Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.
@PlatinumShower: I just used "volumizing" shampoo for the first time.... Everything sounds the same.
@Epygma: *Jesus drinking at a bar* *jesus orders another drink* "jesus you're too drunk I can't give you anymore" Kan I jst haev a water? "nice try"
@ImaFlyontheWall: Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear