@Mr_Kapowski: *begins massaging shampoo into her hair*
*purposely gives her a wet willy*
Her: Hey! I’m gonna get you fired from this salon!
Me: *whispers in her ear* Good luck. I don’t work here
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@NoticablyBacon: The most confusing thing about living with a girl is how much hair they shed. How does her hair look so good? How isnt she bald?
@crabgirl_: *Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?
@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her? Me: No, I meant you're standing in front of me.
@TheEighthKnight: Told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high she looked surprised.
@OtherDanOBrien: Tomi Lahren is pretty confident for a person whose first and last names are both misspelled
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