@sammyrhodes: Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
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@itsrealTED: "I need a boyfriend" No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty.
@MountainDouche: If cops can drive undercover cars, we should be able to drive cop cars. It's only fair.
@Shawn_spree: Wife: Am I grotesque? Me: No, angel cake! Wife: Why did you call me a cake? Me: Cake is round? *runs *
@shkeeber: Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.