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@TheMichaelRock: Boss: Can I have a word with you?
Me: You just had 7 with me. Good talk.
@SevSnapeProf: Some people need a sympathetic pat on the head... with a hammer.
@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.
@_davidlucas_: Wearing shades inside makes me look cool, right?
*Trips over the cat*