@BrattyBarbie: Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.
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@Steven37366100: Flight attendant: Can I get you something to drink? Me: What kind of gravy do you have?
@AndyAsAdjective: BOSS: I need to see you in my office ME: *I begrudgingly take off my invisibility cloak* oh alright
@_Enanem_: I've written a musical called Fish. It's very similar to Cats, although Memory's a lot shorter.
@theawkwardful: My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.