@wife_housy: Being a mom means being the first one up in the morning, the last one to bed at night, and the only one drinking during church.
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@singwithTaffy: I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous
@007Pepe_Rex: Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?
@AndyRichter: Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone