@wife_housy: Being a mom means being the first one up in the morning, the last one to bed at night, and the only one drinking during church.
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@gabemakesmusic: I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend that I do; I just stand in my room screaming "That's not what I said!"
@heidi420x: Her: how are you Me: good Her: you sure? Me: yup Her: you're alright? Me: yes.. Her: really? Me: Her: are y-- Me: people like you go missing
@dumbbeezie: If commercials want people to look at them they should all start with the sound of a phone vibrating
@AGStr8upNinja: How to be a Canadian: 1) Love hockey 2) Use good manners 3) Drink Tim Hortons 4) Live in a igloo 5) Hunt moose with stick