@daddydoubts: Being a parent isn’t just a job it’s a way of life. Like coal mining, or deep sea fishing, or ice road trucking....really any job that’s actively trying to kill you.
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@Dog_Marriage: Breaking news from My dog!! there ar Small animals outside sometimes, but especially Right Now.
@david8hughes: [first day as detective] Me: it looks like he was shot in the head Partner: any sign of forced entry? Me, pointing at bullet wound: well yeah
@sixfootcandy: Realtor: Hi. Would you like a tour? Me: (stuffing cookies in my purse) The sign said there would be sandwiches too.
@Robert_Beau: Sunday Family Dinner: Mother In Law: Isn't that your third glass of wine? Me: Isn't that your third husband? MIL: M: MIL: M: Gravy?