@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
@BareChesty: Finally found a way to use egregious in a sentence that has nothing to do with it's meaning
@softzenik: me covering my front camera with tape and thinking about how the fbi agent monitoring me has watched me cry everyday but never once checked up on me: cut toxic people out of your life 2018
@Brianhopecomedy: Forgot my wallet at home & filled up at the gas station so I have to leave some collateral. Not leaving my phone there so 4 year old it is.