@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
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@iscoff: My uncle started shouting at me about my "misuse" of emoticons and had a heart attack ;)
@OreoSpeedwagon_: After seeing a commercial for Toddlers In Tiaras, I realise Darth Vader wasn't the worst parent ever.
@rad_milk: i replaced babies in these pictures with hotdogs to show america what really matters