@Priscilla_YEAH: Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that's why he doesn't want to shake your hand".
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@JermHimselfish: Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.
@kumailn: "And remember to talk to everyone like they're a 3rd grader." - flight attendant manual
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night. Coworker: Wasn't the building alarmed? Me: Buildings don't get scared. CW.....